MeMORIal

i have a calender titled as "memorial". i created this calender on October 31, 2008. the first event was the date  my dear friend 慶, passed away. this was my first time to face to the death so closely.
i've just created the second event for my dear OREO. technically, you weren't mine. But i am so thankful that i had the chance to be with you about one year. you were tender, sweet, cute, smart and friendly. you actively stepped close to me and i was so surprised. you were lying you head on my arm just like a person. i thought the weight of your little head made my arm numb but i was touched so deeply when i could just watch you closed your eyes for a nap. i thought it showed your relaxation and trust to me, which is generally supposed to be uneasy for cats. i also remember i liked to talk to you just like you are one of my good friends. i always don't expect to much on cats because people say cats aren't so sweet like dogs. now i would like to say, it really depends! i have no idea that i grieved your death profoundly, even i haven't see you for about 3 years. you were really special to me. i almost think that you are the first cat of mine. it doesn;t matter the relation between us in reality. you mean a lot to me. Thank you, OREO.

i love you and miss you, OREO. Please Rest in Peace.

SacRiFice

one can't be pretty without confidence.

dEnIAL

i am not sure about the feelings.

i just feel hurt still.

sMilE

突然想翻出以前的照片

也許只是想看看掉很久的笑臉





這應該算是第一次我的party吧

i miss myself.

sTOP

請消失吧

我看不慣這樣的走音與輕浮

是的

我看不進去也不希望成為其一

請消失吧

離得越遠越好

不想要也不想聽聞與知道

請放棄所有干擾與炫耀

請你死掉

emPOwER

很心疼

感覺到自己還是心中充滿著關切

原來我是這麼情感滿溢的人

請不要說不深刻

我真的很愛你們

畢竟第一次能與貓咪這樣相處

是你們給我的

OREO

請你加油...........(嘖~眼淚都快噴出來啦)

juSt go For IT

it's really not usually that i get up early on staurday's morning. i think it's due to the green tea last night. anyways, this morning i've read a taiwan girl's blog. she's married an american she had met when she went to US for two-week oversea study group. her story about how she was trying hard to make them together impressed me. i can tell that she knows what she wants and goes for it bravely and without regret. i admire this characteristic of people. 

MotiVe

i think the point is not the score of the exams, the real abilities are the be-all and end-all. and that's identical to the original intention of exams that the result of test is one of the explicit indices of our learning outcomes. I have wanted to take an english test, such as ielts, toeic, etc...., not only because i'd like to take a shoot of working abroad, but also i'd like to know my learning outcomes. maybe it's like the pure motivation of taking the SCJP certification before. 

wRIting

i think writing helps speaking.

because i take English class on every Monday night and Mark, my english teacher, asks us about our weekend as warm-up activity. i think it's really a great idea to let us practice the past tense. 

yesterday i wrote down what i had done on the weekend (the previous article). It really helps in today's English class. at least Mark and classmates could understand.

"this week i did lots of things. on Friday night, i went to 西門 to take my ring i bought two weeks ago. on the weekend my friend and i made the tiramisu at her place. it was my first time to make any kind of food. i was responsible for the meringue. we didn't add any cream because we found two kinds of recipe online; one is made of meringue and the other is of cream. i beated the meringue with two folks at least one hour long. because we didnt have any whisk. it's not hard but absolutely takes time."

i really like my english class.

TiRAMisù

This week zin and i made tiramisu by ourselves. Zin had done it one time as a assistant and i have no experience of making any kinds of dessert at all.

There were two goals. One was to make the tiramisu and the other was to cook spaghetti as our lunch. Of course, i totally have no contribution to our lunch. Zin was the chef on that day. as regards of me, I was responsible for the meringue (蛋白霜, a mixture of well-beaten egg whites and sugar). at first, i thought this kind of mechanical task was easy to a beginner, such as me. After 10 minute, my sore hand proved that i was wrong. It's never easy for me to make it without an eggbeater. However, i think i was doing well, because the egg whites  turned from transparent liquid to white meringue after about 1 hour.

the second step was stirring the Mascarpone cheese and egg yolks. undoubtedly, it's 10 times less to the previous task.

when both two pots were ready, we could mix them together homogeneously.

then we added a bottle of coffee liquor as stirring it. finally, we had the last step to do and then we could have out lunch.

we put the coffee-soaked ladyfingers int the container and filled in the "cream".

voilà!!

of course, it needs to be refrigerated, just like we need to have lunch. Thanks to our chef, Zin!!!!ya~it's really delicious.

fiX iT

可以直接看不到那片繽紛嗎

為什麼連那幾朵烏雲

都好像快樂到淚流不止




上次

那個抱著球跑的小男孩

這次跛著腳 用力含著眼淚

抓著手上那別人送他的昂貴氣球

繼續跑


別笑

但是他真的一度以為自己是在哪個老鼠運動圈圈上

我試圖拂去他的眼淚

但是這次他惡狠狠的瞪著我




不

我親愛的小男孩

請你原諒我的束手無策




這麼心痛的場合

這麼心碎的氣氛.......

tOuGh

i wish i could forget everything.
The point is that i am not so ready for the new stuff. It's not good.

I wish i could forgive myself.
I have encountered a difficult hurdle and i am not so sure about the solution. the little girl is sick as before i think. she needs something. the supports are necessary. i wanna help. i would if i could. for her, i need to do my best. she now seems so weak and freaked out. please let me know the problem is and the workable solution. i love her so much and hardly bare to see her struggled in the deep and dark ocean without any light and hopes.

dear girl, i know it's hard. please just hang on there. you tears will turn to the rain of the drought and all the fear shown on you face will be replaced with the happiness. yes, i know those are cliche lines which i admit i dont buy it sometimes. however, for you, i am on my way to do right.

bAck to thE oRigiN

we need to express ourselves in words clearly. it's not so easy and everyone can learn by practicing often. we both love to forward or share something we agree with in many ways. it's good to imitate how other people express their own opinions for communication. tell those people you care by yourself. there should be a room of judgement and improvement. don't wipe out the opportunities to be better.

i think i did great before not now. it seems intolerable to me to be criticized, even from myself within. it's too horrible to admit that i become so. i need to re-adjust. please, let me go back to the days.

liSTEn

Listen to the song here in my heart
A melody I start but can't complete
Listen to the sound from deep within
It's only beginning to find release

Oh the time has come for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own, all 'cause you won't listen

Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say what's on my mind
You should have known oh
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what
You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened

There was someone here inside
Someone I thought had died
So long ago
Oh I'm screaming out
And my dreams will be heard
They will not be pushed aside or worse
Into your own
All 'cause you won't listen

Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say what's on my mind
You should have known oh
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what
You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own

I don't know where I belong
But I'll be moving on
If you don't, if you won't

Listen to the song here in my heart
A melody I start, but I will complete

OH now I am done believing you
You don't know not what I am feeling
I'm more than what you've made of me
I followed the voice you think you gave to me

But now I got to find my own
My Own

cRowDy

這樣的天空

好擠

不斷的擦撞 擠壓

糾結在白天與黑夜之間



如果灑了墨

我的畫布可以在大一些麼?

foRgiVE

i've been trying to forgive myself just like the story happened in this book. She asked all the questions haunting me like forever. I've made the decision and been trying to dont break the words. I am far from myself, i think, the one i am familiar with. it's weird. but i should have known that and been aware that it doesn't work. believing yourself is the way to be happy. you shouldnt try to listen to others' expectation and to think that you might be adequate to all of them. this kind of thoughts seems extreme, however, i don't think it's as bad as you think.

eAt, prAy, LoveE

im not perfect and im not so great.
I am just as the same as all others people in this world. i thought it's called 平凡. (i really don't know what the simple word in English.)

"we were born safely with lots of people's help and love. we will be dead with lots of persons' help and love. and, between the time we born and the time we die, we still need lots of people'love and help, just the beginning and the ending."

this world is too big to be explored at all.
my life is too short to experience them all.
I will trying to figure it out what kind of life style i want?
and i need to be able to stand alone and be more independent.

anyway, I want a deep travel.

hURdlEs

有些記憶不堪回首

如果硬說會影響現在和未來

會不會太過矯情做作




只是那時候我真的沒想多

因為那就是那時候的我

lEaVinG

i am not sure what i want indeed, neither work nor relationship, even my own life style.
everything now seems perfect, but actually i never use the word "perfect" at all.

i sort of envy my english teacher, Mark. he looks happy and enjoys his life, although i were not himself. No matter what, i am sure that i have wanted to become the persons who know their ways clearly. One may say that only understanding what they want and whom the are is not workable, because success is affected by many other things. yap. but the point is without the yearning for something important in your life, you're lost. no, not you, i've been pointing to myself.

i've been trying to make myself to be happy and feel satisfied in many ways. however, just like all the things happened in this world, the result seems not adequate to me. people might take me as a person with no thankful heart. yes, i think it's too true to be said.

do not take if you are not able to. im convinced that it's necessary to dig out myself, the truth of being happy, and the bravery within.

LeS mIséRablE

[Empty Chairs at Empty Table]

There's a grief that can't be spoken
There's a pain goes on and on
Empty chairs at empty tables
Now my friends are dead and gone

Here they talked of revolution
Here it was they lit the flame
Here they sang about tomorrow
And tomorrow never came.

From the table in the corner
They could see a world reborn
And they rose with voices ringing
I can hear them now!
The very words that they had sung
Became their last communion
On the lowly barricade..
At dawn.

Oh my friends my friends forgive me.

[the ghosts of those who died on the barricade appear.]

That i live and you are gone
There's a grief that can't be spoken
There's a pain goes on and on

Phantom faces at the window
Phantom shadows on the floor
Empty chairs at empty tables
Where my friends will meet no more.

[the ghosts fade away.]

Oh my friends my friends don't ask me
What your sacrifice was for
Empty chairs at empty tables
Where my friends will sing no more...