whERe am I

again and again 

the same problem again and again

how many times 

the blast 

the black

the noise 

the tiredness 

it shouts and cries

i can grasp nothing 

the fear 

it's all about fears 

it's all about losing the love

love has been replaced with the longing for being recognised. 

drowning

drowning 

imagine to slip out from the knife wound on the back

leave it 

give it up

changing

again and again 

 

DIsAPpeAreD

In the end, i still need to come back.

the feeling of being insecure, doubtful, hollow, stressed says everything.

It's not i don't know what i wanna do.

It is that i don't dare to face the fact i'm afraid.

i have to admit. i miss the time when i really feel comfortable, confident, and free there.

the confidence wasn't about being so strong.

it was the feeling that i kept moving by stepping out the comfort zone again and again and naturally felt confident of yourself and free mentally.

i miss it and i need it so much.

there, i have nothing to lose.

here, i have everything to lose.

there, i don't care about anything or anyone else but me.

here, my heart is locked down to the loved ones and constantly worried and fear.

at the same time, i am constrained to feel myself, talk to myself, care of myself and do something for myself.

FreE

it's a world that being better or not doesn't matter at all.

you either regret the past or worry the future.

it's a bit terrifying when you can't remember the anchor.

i can't really take them all.

sometimes they all look the same.

you start to imagine losing all of them, and then just realise how black it could be.

now i know why i felt it back in the days.

that is free.

R3solutIOns

python
data mining project
tensorflow
spark
swimming
english
nonlinear dynamics
5 certificates of deep learning
go

1st sentence

It's been a long time since i last went to england, and it's going to be a long until i next go to england.

It feels like a long time since i last went to england, and it feels like it will be a long time until i next go to england.

paUSE

好想可以停下來一下


我想念那時候只需要面對自己的日子

FuNERaL

今天參加了告別式

告別了一個對家裡有不少幫助的長輩

如今

他又再用他的生命給身邊的我們上了一課

一切是緣分

我也感念他是我的親人之一

慢慢的

世代交替

慢慢的

我們都會歸根




從告別式的場面可以知道

有不少人受過幫助   前來悼念

開始我也在想

也許這就是表現生命一種方式

在有生之年活好

有餘力的情況下正面的影響別人  幫助別人

在這種場合裡

生命突然就別具意義了

久違

好久好久好久沒上來啦

cUt

累了

厭倦束縛



一切都好明顯

離開離開

逃

好想逃走

SoLItudE

after preparing my script for a speech in my english class, i started to miss the life i had when i was in England. interestingly, the time that i recalled most often is that time i was still finding the job in London. 

somehow i just miss the time being alone that i can really concentrate on myself and doing things i want to. 

less worries. less concern. less grumble.

how ABouT ...

how about just calm down a little bit 

and just read and exercise for this month? 

cREaTion

i dont like what i am doing now.

i have more energy inside.

I need to create.

conFUSEd

everyday is a bit confusing.

neVER stOp

 the fairest thing in this world probably is that everyone has the same amount of time a day -- 24 hrs.

i know that how much time and efforts you put into something and how close you will be close to it.

this May, i am 32. i can really feel the time flies.

everyone has its own destiny but that's not the point. It doesn't matter how others are. it is what i am that matters.

i've spent more than 7 years being an software developer.
i've spent almost 2 years living in a foreign country and seeking new findings of myself.

this is my own life. it is me who's responsible for it, not others. don't blame on other people or things or environment. if my life has not changed that's because you dont let it change. just do it, even if every step is tiny and it seems no time for big changes. it really doesn't matter. keep seeking and never stop.

unLimiTeD

今天坐車突然想起來以前的自己

不管是國中還是高中

老愛標新立異

相較於現在

好像就少了那點年少輕狂的氣勢了

想要有很多改變啊

rAiny DAy

probably the first time i've ever enjoyed a rainy day so much

it's brought the intolerably high temperature down dramatically that i feel cool and calm immediately once i walked out from home. 

today's heavy rain just makes everything greener, cooler and more comfortable. 

suRRouNDingS

that's why everyone needs some time to be alone.



without any interruption.
without any distraction.
only feel the existence of oneself and the surroundings.

i feel much better now

pUT iT inTO peRSpeCTIve

keep telling myself that 

everyone is different since the world needs diversity 

but to calm all my thoughts down is another story 

this unique trip's changed me quite a lot in a way 

even though i didn't realise it until i came back

he said...

coming home puts it into perspective.

it can't be more correct and precise. 

I found myself starting to digest all i've received in the trip when coming back home. 

I probably should've noted down every thought's transition. 

appreciate home but not used to it. 

bring those new habits back home.

regain self-confidence from mastering the language

get annoyed by people who are not satisfied with their salary which is already beyond average. 

get pissed off by people who just care about money

get pretty upset by people who ride or drive on pavements. 

start to give deep thoughts about that every job has its own unique value and is equally noble. 

start to appreciate all different works around the world 

feel happy when simply watching birds fly around or plants grow into their own beauty

quickly find out myself spending money much more then i was in the trip and feel a bit guilty

still enjoy listening all sorts of accents 

start to get less annoyed by people who care little about others

feel sorry about generally long working hours in taiwan

feel embarrassed when finding myself or others treating families impolitely 

first time ever really think i shouldn't go to see the doctor because there are some other people who need the medical service more then me

appreciate the time being together with my family even more  

get confused about my future 

get confused about my career

get confused about what i really want

get confused about what on earth is important to me 

keep being confused with my own life 

dislike news even more so

feel lost 

want a long time to be alone 

feel powerless of myself

want to do more 

want to get on the trip and take the challenge to see how far i can go again

.......

coming home puts it into perspective.....and it is still changing and fermenting....

we'll see. 

HumANiTy

所謂家家有本難念的經

然後通常最難唸的經就是自己手上那一本

要讀通很難

要看到能夠改進的點又更難




我想

對每個人來說了解人性是一個很重要的課題

只有在能裡解人性之後

才能好好觀察自己

修復自己




我祈禱身邊的人和我自己都可以快樂度過自己想要過的人生