riPPLes

a mess outside 

and also 

a mess inside

Uk

隨著時間

心裡有時也開始萌生乾脆去英國的時候不要找正職(雖然也不是說我想找就找得到)

來真的打工渡假的念頭

只是不管最後是甚麼

多少還是憂慮著

自己是不是太奢侈了

老媽某方面真的很了解我啊

noT eNOUGh

不知道




看著別人的驚歎號

自己卻只能盯著大問號

如果配著隨遇而安  容易滿足  不會想東想西的腦袋瓜就算了

偏偏

很愛想

很愛考自己

很天真

但又還不夠爛漫





真不知道

voCAbulaRY

hu~ we had lots of vocabulary this time. finally i have done it!

vocabulary:

• ubiquitous
• identify:
  Which person in the photos do you identify most closely with?
• adjectives to describe personality:
• ambitious
• anti-social  < >  sociable
• altruistic  < >  self-centred
• courageous  < >  timid
• balanced  < >  obsessive
• easy-going  < >  highly-strung
• phantom
• illusion: something that is not really what it seems to be
• compelling: get your attention
  This illusion is extraordinarily compelling the first time you encounter it.
• striking: attracting a lot of attention
  There is a very striking illusion in which you can feel a rubber hand being touched as if it were your own.
• conceal: to precent something from being seen or known
  i tried to conceal my surprise when she told me her age.
• uncanny: strange or mysterious
  you will have an uncanny feeling that you are actually being stroked on the fake hand.
• sensation: a general feeling caused by something that happens to you
  the  sensations you feel will seem to emerge directly from the plastic.
• discrepancy: difference
  they believe this illusion is strong enough to overcome the discrepancy between the position of your real hand that you can feel and the site of the plastic hand you can see. 
• twist: the change information so that it gives the message you want it to give
  You're twisting my words - that's not what i said at all.
• resemble: to look like or be like someone or something
  The object your helper touches doesn't even need to resemble your hand.
• acquaintance: a person that you have met but do not know well
  this time get your acquaintance to rub and tap the surface if in from of you.
• matching: having the same colour or pattern as something else
  a green dress with matching green handbag
• extraordinarily: very, more than usual
  this illusion is extraordinarily compelling the first time you encountered it.
• blow: a hard hit with a hand or a weapon
  if you threaten the table by aiming a blow at it, the person winces. 
• wince: to show pain suddenly and for a short time in the face, often moving the head back at the same time
• perspiration: sweat
• incorporate: to include something as part of something larger
  It is as if the table becomes incorporated into a person's own body image.
• perceive: to come to an opinion about something
  the subject perceives a threat to the table as to themselves.
• perception: a belief or opinion
  we have to change the public;s perception that money is being waisted.
• limbs
• intact: complete and in the original state
  put their intact arm on the reflective side
• cramp: a sudden painful tightening in a muscle
• likelihood: the chance that something will happen
  what is the likelihood that what i see and what i feel could be identical simply by chance?
• intellect: the ability to understand and to thing in an intelligent way
  our intellect cannot override.
• inanimate: having none of the characteristics of life
  even a lifetime of experience that an inanimate object is not part of your body is abandoned in light of the perception that it is. 
• premise: an idea or theory
  one premise that seems to be beyond question is that you are anchored in your body.
• anchor: to make something or someone stay in one position by fastening them firmly
• forsaken: to leave someone forever
  this obvious fact is temporarily forsaken.

SomEwHeRe

Lost in the darkness
Hoping for a sign
Instead there's only silence
Can't you hear my screams?

Never stop hoping
Need to know where you are
Cause one thing's for sure
You're always in my heart

I'll find you somewhere
I'll keep on trying
Until my dying day
I just need to know
Whatever has happened
The truth will free my soul

Lost in the darkness
Tried to find your way home
I want to embrace you
And never let you go

Almost hope you're in heaven
So no one can hurt your soul
Living in agony
Cause I just do not know
Where you are

I'll find you somewhere
I'll keep on trying
Until my dying day
I just need to know
Whatever has happened
The truth will free my soul

Wherever you are
I won't stop searching
Whatever it takes me to know

開始吧

轉眼就十月中了，該開始認真準備出門的事。之前自己猶豫徬徨的心情也大致調整了，家人的態度也慢慢地軟化和接受，這些都花了不少時間，但是能從內從外都有更明確的支持，這還是很值得的。現在，就是挑戰自己準備的能力和克服自己內心面對未知的不安吧!

這次出門，最希望可以在當地找到收入不錯的正職或是時間夠長的簽約工作，倒也不是期待能未來都在那邊工作，只是希望當地的收入能滿足當地的支出罷了。最完美的情況是一份同產業類型的工作(例如軟體工程師)，這樣就還能體驗不同文化的工作，還不用太擔憂回來後有工作斷層的問題，果真如此就真是實現我心中的夢想啦！

不過，凡事要做最壞的打算。找不到正職，當然就來找打工吧！其實這不算是最壞的選擇，只是透過很不一樣的經歷來補貼生活的錢。這時候的重點應該就會是擴增視野，藉由不同的嘗試探索不同的自己。當然，運氣好的話，希望是一份有趣且值得學習的工作嚕！

那最壞的打算是甚麼？應該就是賺不到錢，沒有工作吧！這意味著我更要謹慎管理能運用的資源，好讓自己還是能好好體驗國外生活。相對的，空閒的時間應該不少，便能盡可能的利用深度旅行來探索自己和這個世界。

其實這三種計畫應該沒有甚麼好壞之分，說不定最後收穫最少的是我本來以為最完美的選擇也不一定。只想告訴自己，妥當的準備自己在好的心態下出發，過程平安最重要，至於其他的部分，就隨興而致吧！既然都選擇出門了，就努力創造未來吧！

題外話，雖然深知待在國外一段時間，英文也不一定能顯著進步，但還是要強迫自己在這方面努力，期許可以達成自己的目標吧！

stOp

can time stop ?

leAVe

那種焦躁

那種心情

我什麼時候可以擺脫掉呢

SolE

開始有點理解當初的那種迷惑

也許我也是那種很需要時間跟自己獨處的人

就因為容易受牽動的個性吧

真正的單獨沈澱

才能清楚分離自我和外界

brEAkinG RulES

i am just not that into the rule. I respect rules. There must exist a reason, at least, that people created rules and keep following them. However, the standard procedures sometimes dont suit as time is going. i encourage myself to understand the current rules and standards first and think of "why" behind the scene. it is not too difficult, but to have your own opinion is. to form your own opinion needs to think through several steps -- understanding the reality, reflection, adjustment, challenging and verifying your own adjustment. I like thechinese expression of this procedure -- 思辨. simple and make sense.

vaGUE

actually, i am still afraid and not confident to go to UK.

I am afraid that i would realize it is not what i want and that turns out to be a regretful decision. Be honest i think i m not ready. Comparing to the past, I become less independent, in physically and mentally.

all the motivation has gone. all the energy has gone. the power of dreaming has become weaker. i feel like full of sawdust in my mind and body. it is really an awkward feeling to me.

she yelled, "dont step back! hang on there". but, how...?

sTRUggLiNg

everyone is different.

maybe i just cant get in that way.

uncertainty has been spreading everywhere along the road i am walking on.

i have known i changed at some points and i dont like it, but the most important thing is that can i reshape myself to be the one i desire to be?

currently i even dont want to or admit to say that, but everything has revealed the truth and reality again and again. it's nothing to do with fear but self-confidence. you just dont trust yourself. I am not really aware and understand that is a serious problem to a person until very recent. i am struggling in some way.

WasTE

有時候

這樣發現自己虛度時間

是多麼的厭惡啊

stARt

今天花了點時間翻了一本雜誌

迅速筆記一下一些讓我有印象的句子

成功的定義在於實現夢想
如過不撐過去，我永遠都要從掃地小妹開始做起
....


糟糕我忘記了！！！！
(oh my god~poor memory Q_Q下次再來補)

hoLLOw

有點像骨質開始流失一樣

空洞和脆弱

喀擦一聲

多麼無神

sTONes

feel a bit tired.

i asked, 'why do people like travelling?'

we hear many people go travelling periodically, at least, i am. people always say feel tired a bit and go travelling to feel released, to breathe fresh air, and to relax. cant we feel released, breathe fresh air and relax during the daily life? why do we feel tired?

touCHINg

StrESSfuL

today's English Class was really challenging. Mark let us have IELTS-like speaking practice which requires not only speaking but also thinking about the topic, such as consumerism (be honest, i dont really know much about it). Although it was quite stressful, I still enjoy today's class very much. I hope i will have this kind of class more. This kind of practice and training forces you to think more and to give your own opinions. (sometimes i feel a bit depressed when i make an impression that i'm a person without my own thought just because i don't know how to express myself properly.)

Besides speaking, we also focused on listening during the class. at first, I hardly catch any idea about Richard Branson's interview. we continuously replayed, listened, and guessed almost every sentence. Of course, we did need Mark to say it again for us and then listened to it in original speed one more time. It was taking long time to do this practice but i liked the feeling when i finally got the idea about it.

I should have practiced in this way by myself more often. I hope i will! :D

DeCISIOns

how can i know what choice is the right choice?

Opera said, "follow your own heart". but this wisdom words are so vague to me.

what is wrong decision?

what is right decision?

or is there any gray one?

I just dont get it!

12th DaY iN caNADA

it was a very tense and hard day.

in my travelling plan, i would get up a little bit earlier and leave my hotel at Banff heading to Calgary. i had to return my rental car before noon and take aeroplane at 17:15 to Vancouver. i know i would feel stressed because of the timeline, but i'd thought that thing would go fine as as my previous experience. the truth is -- no, not smoothly at all!

the frist thing was filling up petrol. there seemed some problem at the counter so that everyone was queued for quite a long time. and then, when i was trying to set the destination on my GPS navigation, the big problem appeared -- it asked for PIN code! i didnt know any pin code at all. i'd got the gps workable without asked for input any pin code since i rented it. i tried several default pin code like 0000 or 1234, it's just not working! i started to worry that i was running out of my time and still didnt know how to go to Calgary. I recalled that there was a Avis store in Banff's downtown, not far away from me, so i drove there and thought i could ask then about the pin code. what?! it had opened yet? oh my god! its almost 9:30 am. ok, another way i could try was calling directly to Avis in calgary! yeah, as every drama's plot could have happened, no one answered my phone call. i gave up! i started to read the maps and taught my mom, who doesnt really understand english and maps, to become my assistant pilot.

eveything looked ok when i was driving along the highway. Calgary was 158km away from banff.   but not entering the calgary city centre was a mess! really dont know how to describe the situation i encountered when i had to driving in high speed (because i hadnt got off the highway i think. the exit sign wasnt really clear to me) and deciding which way i should follow (there were so many direction signs appeared which were not shown on my map of course!). Plus, my panic mom. we were lucky enough that every turn we made was correct! soon or late we drove in the right way that was shown clearly enough on our map. and another lucky thing was a petrol station showed up! (Because i had just missed some when i was still in a mess.) hu~what a big relief was! i was really not sure if i could drive in the correct ways again.

However, i hadn't known i would face to a big problem. i'd been informed that the original store where i picked up the car would have been moving to a new place. the new place actually is a landmark of Calgary, the calgary tower, so i thought it would be fine to return my car. but i just couldnt figure out which parkade was the right one. there are so many parkades around Calgary tower and the traffic was not good enough to let me hanging around. i was forced by the urgent situation, it was already around 11:30 am, to park shortly in 30-min parking zone and ran into the office for help! gosh! what a long line to the frontdesk. i couldnt wait for long so i cut in for quick enquiry. i paid the parking fee at the machine (again, this was my first time to use it! i was in such a hurry...~"~) and soon tried to follow the staff's "unclear" help to find the parkade. as everyone could imagine, i failed again. so i just did what i'd done once again -- temporarily stopped, asked for clearer instruction, and drove away. this time i'd got no time to hesitate and drove directly to a parkade which was no sign of Avis and was not like a parkade for rental car at all, i even i had to take a parking ticket at the entrance! Fortunately again, i was right and the staff was right. anyway, i made it and brought our 2 big suitcases with my mom to the office. ya i felt so relieved after returned the car, even i was queued in line for 20 minutes at the frontdesk. What a tense and hard time is.

i didnt feel hungry totally due to this journey. my mom and i grabbed some food and took the bus to airport. everything had become better. we arrived at airport smoothly and got good latte. my plane took us to Vancouver and a cab took us to the hotel. therefore, i am happy to stay in this nice hotel!