faREweLL My FriEnD
在淡水
我們大聲的用英文聊天
我們玩起了怎樣都結束不了的英文接龍
不知道怎地
現在就浮現了那些情景
面對一整片黑色
請容我只能填下最直接了當的語言。
終於
見到你一面了
我沒有我自己想像中的激動
但是
卻無法忘記
我也不想忘記
依舊
讓我好好收藏。
6 years ago
20081223
20081206
i HaTe but i WanNA be.....
有時候真的是受夠了古老社會傳遞下來的不平等對待
不平等的預期
不平等的價值
雖然我清楚
或我們都清楚
本來世界就不是公平的
當你聽到身邊的人說
"因為她不能生小孩，對方說不定會反過來覺得自己吃虧，因為本來是男生家境較困難"
當你聽到自己的親人說
"娶到妳好像不幸福，因為你都不會做家事，即使你有個像你哥哥一樣待遇不錯的工作"
會很感傷
會想哭
會痛
尤其...出自女性口中、眼神中、價值觀中.......
大家好像都以為不平等是個
遠在天邊
隨時代進步而消逝
自己不是加害者也不是受害者
...的事情
也許你沒有仔細感受
也許你不需要去發現
或......也許你只是一直都擁有著足夠敏感度的細膩
背著女權主義的標籤
微薄的努力鬆動這座堅實高山離你最近的一小塊泥土地
只為了
期待能在已不輕鬆的探索人生的時候
有著稍微自在舒適的小路罷了.........
沒有人能體會所有的腳色
沒有人能面面俱到
就因為知道
不是誰或什麼的問題
所以
又更為無奈.......
..........我討厭，但是又想成為...
20081115
exhAUstED
i'm tired.
but i have no idea about what i'm tired of.
live with too many reality,
breathe inferiority too often,
take showers without soul and dreams,
and, more importantly, be lost
all day long.
somethings are wrong......and i know it.
20081101
DreamMarker Forever
我還記得
所以
我還是很茫然
我還是無法接受
但我希望
我的摯友，你，一路好走......
************************************
這天講到
作自己
相處輕鬆
這樣一個讓我沒有相處壓力的人
讓我想到你
我有多珍惜有多不捨
對不起
容我不理性的說
我還一時不能接受
*******************************
沉墊墊的在心底
我很容易進入發呆模式
我始終覺得疲倦
深深的知道
在很深的地方
破了個大洞
黑的扎實的又空洞的
想用淚水宣洩
但是卻壓抑著般的乾涸
**********************
第一天
我無法相信
心中這麼扎實的感情一瞬間好孤立無援
第一個晚上
托著疲倦夢著眼淚
哭者醒著流淚著激動著徬徨翻覆著
第二天
我練習和這樣的飄渺感共生
但終不敵那刺眼的黃光
淚流滿面
第二個晚上
夢著
我依舊醒著
第三天
強烈的難過傾瀉
那片硬刺的黑色巨石
已完完全全的浮現
第三個晚上
我不記得什麼了
第四天
默默的習慣了
只是
我還沒接受
我還再重建
第四個晚上
我沒有夢到
我能睡了
第五天
我沉沉的發呆
不斷思辨著
忘卻與習慣的價值
我決定
一如過去
找你
和你單獨的相處聊天沉靜煩惱
無法停止的眼淚
整整一小時
我終於開始能接受
失去你的事實
並開始學習如何收藏你
我心底下了兩個願意
第五個晚上
我可以單獨入睡了
第六天
我又來到你身邊
我沒有掉眼淚
我知道我正在一點一滴的
吸收
並安撫自己
第七天和第八天
我開始可以鬆口
第十天
我再度來到你身邊
不知為何
有猛地難過
猛然想念
我想
週二我還會再去找你
因為我很想你
我還不太會走
我一時還走不穩
我還在努力
第二個週二
我又去看你了
從來沒有想過這是不是太誇張了
卻一直發現
蠢蠢欲動的球沾滿了滾燙的沙
彈跳滾動
第二個週四
我
鼓起勇氣
來到我們最後一次見面的地方
我試圖走著你會走的路
望著你會看到的景象
跟著你過馬路
然後與我會合
我再試圖回頭
復習當初我遠遠在馬路這頭
就能輕輕鬆鬆的在來往人群中辨認你的穿著你的姿態
那時候我看著你還是老樣子的瘦
走路還是有點不平穩
還是同樣的黑色高領加牛仔外套斜背著包包
我們下樓梯
我們選了居酒屋
我們都點了一整杯啤酒
我們是酒友
包含許多意義的酒友對我
我歷歷在目
今天
我復習了我們這輩子最後的聚會
我還記得
那時候我們還再說
這是來台北後
第二次喝啤酒吧
前一次是在文化山上雞排加啤酒的老戲碼啊
第二個週六
我們一夥人
能以比較輕鬆的心情
為你用心
為你做點事情
又或是
.......也為了我自己
最後那一句
泰慶，我們都很想念你
20081023
20081022
20081014
20081013
sWeeTy
ha i'm so happy.
finally, i made it.
i've spent lots of time studying data clustering, though i know that it's been developed for a long time.
it's just like the time i re-produced the map i'd learnt in the non-linear dynamics course.
what a exciting moment is!
i've not tasted the sweet of success. lalalala~
20081010
20081008
20080904
20080818
20080814
20080727
eVanEsCEncE
if i fall and all is lost
it's where i belong
remember that all alone is where i belong......
20080721
hArd caNDy
i think it is time to buy a ring for myself.
i've just missed one bought when i was in the college.
wow...it is suddenly to be so hard to write something in english.
maybe the ring that is expected to be shown up will have an errand ---reminding me of studting english hard.
haha~
20080720
oFf dAY
wow, finally, i can enjoy my weekend. how lovely is it!
i've not been here for a long long time.
hu~it's time to enjoy.
20080712
20080703
20080628
rECOlleCtioN
其實
出去玩就是這個樣子
什麼時候拿起來回味
都很香甜
每次想起來的點可能不盡相同
這個好像已經很遙遠的真實
卻一點都沒有改變
或許
人生就是由大大小小的一堆回憶堆積而成的
我是多麼的奢望
能讓他都很美好.....
承認
這是不可能的
承認
我想堆出自己的一座回憶小山
再最後的那一刻...讓我好好的一張張抽出來......數
20080622
liGHt aNd Easy
自發性的學習是愉快的
因為趨使的動力
就只是很單純的感興趣和求知欲
放鬆的低姿態
就已能滿足天性中自我充實的需求
此時此刻
眼裡可以完全的只有自己
不用瞻前顧後
不用思考
不用武裝
只要不斷的
滿足................就好
20080611
20080608
20080607
20080603
20080525
20080522
20080512
20080504
GorGEouS
i've been in the chilly mood for a while. There are lots of things or targets in my mind but relationship. i know that it won't last for a long time. However, i won't changed in couples months. There are lots of subjects i should think over and learn. i am willing to try hard and become the one i expect to be step by step.
20080427
20080424
sHu.............
心中
總是有著那一片土地
我最忘不了的那一幅幅山水畫
就這麼新鮮的讓我呼吸著
即使我手邊沒有相機
不管怎樣~我們都是愛著這片浩瀚與精緻
它是第一個讓我深深體認台灣美麗的角落
這樣的角落
這樣的情感
無可取代。
總是有著那一片土地
我最忘不了的那一幅幅山水畫
就這麼新鮮的讓我呼吸著
即使我手邊沒有相機
不管怎樣~我們都是愛著這片浩瀚與精緻
它是第一個讓我深深體認台灣美麗的角落
這樣的角落
這樣的情感
無可取代。
已經習慣群山靜靜的成為我們隨意的背景
需要大海也已經變成理所當然
http://www.wretch.cc/blog/emilyoops&article_id=11968706
http://www.pureht.url.tw/index.php?ct1=6
http://www.peopo.org/portal.php?op=viewPost&articleId=15293
20080419
20080413
20080406
bE tiReD/ SicK oF
maybe i am whom i would complain of. i love my family, but i still feel kind of upset sometimes. i stand for mom, although i am her burden without doubt.
i am here. the place i cower is so far away.
i am listening. the voice i murmur at night spreads out.
i am waiting alone. will the soul i pray come to me in the end?
20080402
bRaVe
i hope that i can overcome every hurdle on my way. i'm trying to construct myself again, a soft, confident, flexible, honest and stripped soul. i know that i've changed and been changing, but somehow the core within is still. if i am a fighter, i would take challenges for granted and grow up bravely. i know that i would be tired and sick of trifles, movement, and breath at times. it's human nature. it's me.
i love the lyric of the song, "soar". yep. Spread your wings and soar.
20080330
20080324
SoAR
When they push, when they pull
Tell me can you hold on
When they say you should change
Can you lift your head high and stay strong
Will you give up, give in
When your heart's crying out 'that is wrong'
Will you love you for you at the end of it all
Now in life there's gonna be times
When you're feeling low
And in your mind insecurities seem to take control
We start to look outside ourselves
For acceptance and approval
We keep forgetting that the one thing we should know is
Don't be scared
To fly alone
Find a path that is your own
Love will open every door
See in your hands the world is yours
Don't hold back and always know
All the answers you will unfold
What are you waiting for
Spread your wings and soar
The boy who wonders, is he good enough for them
Keep trying to please them all
But he just never seems to fit in
Then there's the girl who thinks she'll never ever be
Good enough for him
He's trying to change and
That's a game she'll never win
In life there will be times when you're feeling low
And in your mind insecurities seem to take control
We start to look outside ourselves
For acceptance and approval
We keep forgetting that one thing we should know is
Don't be scared
To fly alone
Find a path that is your own
Love will open every door
See in your hands the world is yours
Don't hold back and always know
All the answers they will unfold
What are you waiting for
Spread your wings and soar
In the mirror is where she comes
Face to face with her fears
Her reflection looked forward on to her
After all these years
However how she's tried to be
Something besides herself
Now time has passed and she's ended up
Somewhere else with regret
What is it is that makes us feel the need
To keep pretending
Gotta let ourselves be
Don't be scared
To fly alone
Find a path that is your own
Love will open every door
See in your hands the world is yours
Don't hold back and always know
All the answers you will unfold
Don't wait no more
Spread your wings and soar
Find your road
Love will open every door
See in your hands the world is yours
Don't look back in the window, you'll find your way
Always know all the answers will unfold
Oh don't wait
Spread your wings and soar
Don't wait no more
You've got to soar
Spread your wings and soar
Don't wait no more
No don't you wait no more
Spread your wings and soar
You've can soar
So what you waiting for
Don't wait, Don't wait
Soar
20080323
CreAtiVE Ways
像個小孩
拼命追著蝴蝶翩翩
卻又不時的回頭看看
看原本頭上的白雲是不是跟丟了
像個小大人
歪斜著小腦袋
古靈精怪的打量著該怎麼樣才能飛撲成功
原來橫過這條溪水潺潺
就是一整片飛園
舉起了酒杯
我們乾了最後一分鐘的幻想
用最能展現風格的方式
放好刀叉
起身付帳
20080318
20080313
meMorY
回顧了一下巴黎的照片
這讓我突然回想到那段旅行的點點滴滴
不過
我很喜歡且印象深刻的一刻
便是和朋友兩個人在車站裡的PAUL
吃著pain aux chocolat搭配café還有jus d'orange
閒話家常
那一刻很棒
說不上來
但是~那應該最讓人覺得美麗而又值得珍惜的時刻吧
20080308
20080228
WiI fiT
today is a wonderful day.
maybe i shall call it a Wii-party day. i'm head over heels loving it. ha!
i think it may be an good idea to hold a party at home occasionally, such as a cheese-and-wine party, a wii-playing party, a cake-making party, or a just-talking party. no matter what, having a date with dear old friends is amazingly fun.
20080224
iT'S noT so eAsy
其實
這裡已經很久沒有部落格的感覺了
在我的定義、感覺、習慣、依賴、情感..................
有點偏離
我知道原因
只是還沒解決
空蕩蕩到
連自己都不覺得它該期待被花時間了
花蓮。
和仰躺的星空與沉靜的浪濤。
20080220
20080219
a RolE moDel oR WHat?!
after watching DVD there's so much feeling that i can't describe. she had spent so much time and efforts bringing the album out and finishing the entire world tour. suddenly i deeply realize that there's nothing important but efforts behind a success. a success could be a dream, a hope or a challenge. so did she say that everyone may suffer its own situation. what is mine? the most significant thing i learn is carry out a dream step by step. I'm always convinced that interest leads every effort. now it's turned out to be that passion leads every road to success.
20080210
evER
什麼都是需要練習的
耳濡目染
爸媽都說現在的我和小時候差很多
小李曾說
也許做事情不一樣了
但是個性是不會改變的
我也看不是很清楚
到底是哪些本質的變了
那些是真的變了
不過粗淺的來說
和那個在公園可以很快結識大姊姊做朋友然後到他家拜訪的我
的確相差甚遠
我還是一樣愛笑愛哭
脾氣卻好像比較硬了
說直接點就是暴躁啦~
處理情緒的方式也階段性的不一樣了
從 淡淡的悶著然後保持著超級禮貌得舉止
到 理性化自己的情緒
到 不加遮掩修飾的硬脾氣
哪種好呢?
誰知道~但是......我不想越來越像老爸的脾氣!!!!(已經有跡象了>"<)
老樣子的內心
很模糊的說不清楚~但那正是最不會變化的部份
即使每個階段我都加加減減了一堆裝飾
但是
我知道~那依舊靜靜躺在那兒
foR fuN 2
~"~我......就只能這樣了!!!!!!!
還是擺脫不了256以及大剌剌粗筆風啊>/////<
不過~~~~~~~~Xtina, forgive me.
i 'm really NOT good at portrait.
20080209
memOS
ha
it's time to take a review of myself, but i wanna go to bed.
Do what a baby always does, sleeps.
Dream a most sweet dream in the world, no dream.
So, it's just a memo.
ha!
bE stRonG
嘿嘿~今天也去看了小baby
第一次報小娃呢
i think i got some more positive impresses and responses of the big thing, having a babe, from the new moms, also including Christina. they are as great as all the moms in the world. Their smile gave me an opportunity to learn some different views of that.
although i'm definitely sure that you know it, i shall speak up---thank you mom and i love you.
20080207
hOw muCh DO u kNOw thE meANing to Me beHINd the woRDS
Was Jordan involved in the planning of the wedding?
He was and it's funny because i expected him to do the guy thing like, "Yeah, honey, do whatever you want." But not Jordy, he was definitely right in there and if i had something in mind that he thought should go a different way, he would speak up and say, "Honey, it's my wedding too." i thought it was cute that he wasn't the typical guy and that he had strong opinions about what he wanted. He has amazing taste so we didn't really ever differ in what we wanted. We have so much in common and our tastes are so alike that there wasn't really any disagreeing.
How was he different from other guys you met?
I think he's the only man I've ever met, really[laugh]. If every guy would take a page out of Jordy's book there would be a lot of happy women out there. He knows how to treat and respect a woman. I could gush about him for days. He goes above and beyond all the time. He;s my caretaker, he's my backbone, he's there for me during the good times and the bad. He's my rock. He's stronger than any other man i have ever met. He's do intelligent, which I'm very attracted to. I think one of the very first things I fell in love with was his smile. It's the biggest, most genuine and sincere smile you've ever seen in your life and he lights up a room. He's got an aura about him that makes people feel completely at ease. He knows me better than I know myself at this point,
What's the best thing about your relationship?
We are constantly teaching one another about so many different things. Our relationship is very balanced --- no one is above the other person; it's incredible equal. We share every single thing with one another. We have no secrets. He's my partner and we make very strong team. He makes me a better person.
20080206
FanS wouLD dO...
ha i think recently i've been a little bit enthusiastic about Christina Aguilera. it is very exciting to be an feverish fan. all common behaviors of a fan can be suddenly understood, such as subscribing news, tracing posts, and fancying being every session of her.
i believe that love should be simple and pure. when you are fond of someone, you will do everything under considering of her/him/it. maybe that's the reason i am usually afraid of annoying a cat or somebody else. i think that's an unchanged rule for gettin' along with whoever you love.
it's time to share my excitment if you're also interested in it.
Ryan Seacrest Exclusive Interviews
20080203
i Love ShowERIng
sometimes i just need a private space,
a place where only i belong to, a timing that i can just think of myself.
it's a long-long-time-ago story.
i'd played, been funny also felt comfertable.
However, i can't deny that life.
the only unchanged thing is i'm still lovin' to have a shower.
20080131
20080127
20080121
>"< pre...preorder?
wow~it's different!!!!
i went to the concert in Hong Kong.
now i wish i could go to every concert of Xtina's tour.>///<
i will be patient with the DVD!!!!!
^++++++^
20080118
20080117
20080116
goOd NIght, mY dArling!
recently when i saw elders in the streets or restaurants, i felt something within. i don't know how to describe the sentiment then but i just wanna slow down my step, or even stand still, to see them. I am not sure what i expect to find from elders. maybe i just need those scenes of being alone in old age to remind myself something.
a SmALL pRiVATe CIrCle
是怎樣
搞不清楚情況嗎
That's me. whom i am and what i do is not your business.
Everything about you is not my business unless you're in my way.
Stay away from the circle.
20080112
wiSer?!
after about 3 years later, i've been changed a lot. i am indeed not the gal i was. i feel more and more constrained. i know that it's all about the thoughts within. i can't even decide whether i go out for a date. it really sucks. how can i become so different? what do i care about? i think that the key problem is what's wrong with my central thought.
20080111
MY WOrld
the world is still huge to me. it's time to broaden my view.
sometimes i feel embarrassed and sometimes i feel uneasy.
i am trying hard to go through the hurdles and keep push on.
20080105
20080102
DaIlY ligHTs
好久沒有畫畫
好久沒有讀英文了
彷彿這段時間都空了
想不起來這些日子是怎麼過日子的
其實也不懂
在實現什麼自我
路太長欲望太大
一步步來還是得要活在當下
該是出去走走吹吹海風逛逛整片花田的時候吧
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