20220512

fReE

in the end

it's just about finding a place to stay

a corner to breathe freely 

a surface to create


It's so easy to get confused by the outside world

the pressure

the desire

the ambition


In the end

finding that snowy peace is the place to go back

being able to create freely is the way of living.

20210903

5tucK

stuck.

can't move to the left nor right. 

can't fly nor run.


endless waves hit, cold wind grabs the limbs.

endless waves rage and scorn all the sandy castles.


stuck.

even flying with a imaginary wings can't lead you through the glass door. 


rest. mind. 

haunting thoughts are melted by drugs and penetrate as flow never away. 


rest. escape.

energy drained.

20200415

whERe am I

again and again 

the same problem again and again

how many times 

the blast 

the black

the noise 

the tiredness 

it shouts and cries

i can grasp nothing 

the fear 

it's all about fears 

it's all about losing the love

love has been replaced with the longing for being recognised. 

drowning

drowning 

imagine to slip out from the knife wound on the back

leave it 

give it up


changing

again and again 


 

20190921

DIsAPpeAreD

In the end, i still need to come back.

the feeling of being insecure, doubtful, hollow, stressed says everything.

It's not i don't know what i wanna do.

It is that i don't dare to face the fact i'm afraid.

i have to admit. i miss the time when i really feel comfortable, confident, and free there.

the confidence wasn't about being so strong.

it was the feeling that i kept moving by stepping out the comfort zone again and again and naturally felt confident of yourself and free mentally.

i miss it and i need it so much.

there, i have nothing to lose.

here, i have everything to lose.

there, i don't care about anything or anyone else but me.

here, my heart is locked down to the loved ones and constantly worried and fear.

at the same time, i am constrained to feel myself, talk to myself, care of myself and do something for myself.


20190708

FreE

it's a world that being better or not doesn't matter at all.

you either regret the past or worry the future.

it's a bit terrifying when you can't remember the anchor.

i can't really take them all.

sometimes they all look the same.

you start to imagine losing all of them, and then just realise how black it could be.

now i know why i felt it back in the days.

that is free.

20180911

DeepReinforcementLearning set up


- git clone: https://github.com/AppliedDataSciencePartners/DeepReinforcementLearning
- install everything: https://medium.com/@margaretmz/anaconda-jupyter-notebook-tensorflow-and-keras-b91f381405f8
- brew install graphviz (https://github.com/XifengGuo/CapsNet-Keras/issues/7)

20180820

a pLAy

then,
I just realised everyone has their own story.

it's heavy.
it's twisted.
it's powerful.

we can only survive in our own way. don't judge.

but, do not create even more tragedies and dark plays.
i feel torn apart amidst anger, sorrow and compassion.

i stopped and stepped down along the words, one by one.
it was getting darker and softer.
i knew i was going back, back to that black deep and familiar space.
the only thing different was that i was watching it and let it happen cautiously.
there, i could go very wrong.

i recalled and felt the tears for you.
i recalled and felt the anger and hatred for those unfair punishments.
i recalled and felt the endless hopelessness behind that empty smile in my mirror.
i kept recalling all the twisted minds and hearts that just couldn't cope with the outside world, and people.

why? i was searching for the way out and i guess this was it.

and now, this's got to come to a break and end.
slowly i walked away with contradictory feelings and i said, thank you for always being there and patiently waited.

20180111

R3solutIOns

python
data mining project
tensorflow
spark
swimming
english
nonlinear dynamics
5 certificates of deep learning
go




20171026

1st sentence

It's been a long time since i last went to england, and it's going to be a long until i next go to england.

It feels like a long time since i last went to england, and it feels like it will be a long time until i next go to england.



20160907

backbone + react +requirejs + gulp


package.json
devDependencies:{
    "gulp-babel": "^6.1.2",
    "babel-plugin-transform-react-jsx": "^6.8.0",
    "babel-polyfill": "^6.13.0",
    "babel-preset-es2015": "^6.14.0"
}


gulp

var babel = require('gulp-babel')
gulp.task('babeljsx', function () {
    return gulp.src( __('{{ app }}{{ jsFolder }}/_babelTest/*.js'))
        .pipe(babel())
        .pipe(gulp.dest( __('{{ app }}{{ jsFolder }}/_babelTest/output')));
});


requirejs
path: {
            // react
            react: '../components/react/react',

            reactDOM: '../components/react/react-dom',

            es6: '../components/requirejs-babel/es6',

            babel: '../components/requirejs-babel/babel-5.8.34.min',
}

backbone route + react
ReactDom.render(, this.$el[0]);



20160817

paUSE

好想可以停下來一下


我想念那時候只需要面對自己的日子

20160727

FuNERaL


今天參加了告別式

告別了一個對家裡有不少幫助的長輩

如今

他又再用他的生命給身邊的我們上了一課

一切是緣分

我也感念他是我的親人之一

慢慢的

世代交替

慢慢的

我們都會歸根




從告別式的場面可以知道

有不少人受過幫助   前來悼念

開始我也在想

也許這就是表現生命一種方式

在有生之年活好

有餘力的情況下正面的影響別人  幫助別人

在這種場合裡

生命突然就別具意義了








久違

好久好久好久沒上來啦



20151103

GoOd FoR Us

”對自己好的“:
not like when we were young, we studied because it is good for us ( school-wise)
now, good for us has broader meaning.
it can be good for our career.
it can be good for our health.
it can be good for our mind (such as being happier, feeling life is fun)
it can be good for making more money, etc.



20151001

cUt

累了

厭倦束縛



一切都好明顯

離開離開

好想逃走







20150923

SoLItudE

after preparing my script for a speech in my english class, i started to miss the life i had when i was in England. interestingly, the time that i recalled most often is that time i was still finding the job in London. 


somehow i just miss the time being alone that i can really concentrate on myself and doing things i want to. 

less worries. less concern. less grumble.

20150622

how ABouT ...

how about just calm down a little bit 


and just read and exercise for this month? 


20150609

cREaTion

i dont like what i am doing now.

i have more energy inside.

I need to create.

conFUSEd

everyday is a bit confusing.